The true ‘how to’ guide of confidence and sexy pole

The true ‘how to’ guide of confidence and sexy pole

By March 2, 2017 Uncategorized 2 Comments

Being unapologetically confident is the key to being good at pole dance, particularly the sexy, stripper, exotic styles. Simple. We’re all agreed. Go do it. The End.

Or not.

Confidence may well be the simple answer but it’s THE most difficult thing to truly gain for most people. The main question is HOW the frig do we get it?

Knowing that it takes confidence to be the pole dancer you want to be is a far cry from being it. Confidence isn’t a physical thing that we can just buy, neither is it something we can go to college to get a qualification in. It’s a unique mindset that we can’t even define in words.

But it CAN be done. (Cue the moment when someone tries to sell you a shit book). The best thing is that you don’t need to change who you are to be confident. You just need to change your way of looking at things. As someone that had very low confidence during my early to mid twenties, I decided to change the way I interpreted words, situations and relationships. And Jesus, it doesn’t half work!

We are supposed to feel crappy

If you are not confident and lack belief in yourself, congratulations. You are exactly what you are supposed to be. You are doing exactly the right thing to get by. However, if you are reading this, then feeling this way is not good enough. Who was it that said, “In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act”?


Well this is EVERYTHING. We are supposed to feel like shit! That’s what makes the world go round. Money. The quest to be confident comes from buying shit that we have been told will make us hot and therefore confident and worthy. Then they make sure that there is something else that will make us even hotter. And so on and so on. I know what you may be thinking; “you can talk with your inflatable tits, Tiff”. True dat. I bought these mammoth boobs in my early twenties when I thought I needed them. I bought some boobs then bought even bigger ones. A total sucker. I wouldn’t have bothered if I’d’ve been confident at the time!

Are we screwed then?

No, son! The great thing is that we polers have a head start. Pole dance is something that is still frowned upon by society. That’s a good thing. Many things that society isn’t entirely happy with is because they won’t make money from it. If you are already truly confident then you won’t spend stupid amounts of money on the fruitless quest of transforming into the societally ideal woman. If you are a confident woman, as many in pole are, you are proud of your body from the inside out. Any improvements that you do still want to achieve come from a place that money cannot buy.

What use are you to society then? Well the simple answer is that you are not, hence why you can feel like an outcast or a rebel. Those with true confidence are bandied with terms such as slut, bitch and up-her-own-arse. These terms don’t come from nowhere.

Many of us are in the in-betweeny stage. We feel pretty confident but are not entirely comfortable with it yet. Like when you leave home to go to university for the first time. You have this sense of new exciting freedom but also know that you’re leaving a sheltered world behind and diving head first into having to be responsible for everything you do from now on.  Similarly, we feel like pole gives us something that money cannot buy but we can’t fully envelop ourselves in it and ‘let go’ on the pole like some people seem to be able to do. The most confident sexy polers seem to really not give a fuck rather thank kind of not giving a fuck.

So how do we do it? How do we become proper, full on, truly confident?


We know that society doesn’t want us to feel good, to believe in ourselves. They will make bugger all dosh from us and we will be changing the wheel that works for them. Knowing this is the first step.

Write your own dictionary

We know that dancing in a way that is hot AF will lead others to think, and call us derogatory words such as, “slut”, “trashy” etc. Being called these names is purposefully hurtful so we naturally try and avoid doing anything that would lead us to be called such things. We follow the magazines that sell us expensive clothing that, in many cases, are designed to make us “classy” and “cool”. These are positive words.

Who the fuck came up with these words and what they mean? Why does their interpretation have to be final?? Well, it doesn’t. It really really doesn’t. To me, “slut” is a word that shouldn’t exist. However, it does and we all know what it means. Someone that is negatively provocative, shameful, distasteful. A slut is someone that would choose any prey they desire and get them in any way they see fit. Well, that seems pretty exciting and liberating to me! So that’s exactly what it is in my dictionary. “Trashy” is societally defined as someone lacking any aesthetic class. To me, it screams of someone not restrained by the fashion rules. Someone not likely to spend big bucks on glorified cover-ups. Someone who will say, “eh, mate, check out my arse in this disgustingly tiny bad boy”. So yeah, being trashy sounds pretty cool to me too.

Here’s an example of my dictionary…

 1. Society definition of ‘SLUT’

A woman with low standards of cleanliness. A woman who has many casual sexual partners (side note; no mention of men)

My definition;

A glorious, irresistible predator

 2.  Society definition of ‘TRASHY’

Of poor quality

My definition; 

A person liberated by stringy, stretchy stuff. Will be likely to pull at them to reveal more skin, all whilst smiling

 3. Society definition of ‘WEIRD’

Very strange; bizarre

My definition; 

One whose body will move in the way it wants to. 

 4. Society definition of ‘SHAMELESS’

(Of a person or their conduct) characterized by or showing a lack of shame; barefaced or brazen

My Definition; 

A person who has no shame because they are not ashamed to be themselves.

 5. Society definition of ‘SELF ABSORBED’

Preoccupied with one’s own feelings , interests, or situation.

My definition;

One who takes time to appreciate their own unique qualities, be it in mind, body or dance.


Be ok that it can take time. We have been conditioned for so many generations into believing that confidence comes from being beautiful as per the rules that society and media has set for us. It can be a lightbulb moment when you realise that society will never give you the confidence you want, much like the carrot and the stick. They’re there waving the carrot of beauty and confidence to us (haha) and we won’t stop trying to get that bloody carrot that will be forever out of reach. But even when we see it for what it is, a lifetime of conditioning can mean it takes a little time to reconfigure your brain settings! Every time you get on the pole, remind yourself that you are writing your own rules until you don’t need to remind yourself any longer.

You don’t need to be a victim of society. You don’t want that foul sodding carrot. Your body and your mind are your own. Use them in a way that is unapologetically YOU. 

Confidence on the Pole

  • Write your own dictionary and embody them when you dance- unapologetically so.
  • Allow yourself to mess up. Messing up is a sign that you went for it.
  • Don’t do someone else’s sexy. YOU are enough. You don’t need to be someone else.
  • Don’t fake that you’re there if you aren’t yet. It’s ok to say you’re not quite there or that you don’t know who you are as a dancer yet. We are ALL searching and evolving, that’s the beauty of it.
  • Spend waaay more time dancing to your jam than watching others dancing to their jam.

You should be your biggest fan. You are the only one that has seen life through your eyes. What you have seen and experienced is unique to you. Chances are you’re proud of what you have done and achieved in the grand scheme of things so don’t do yourself a disservice by not allowing yourself to be confident in your own way. Now go get the tunes on and get your slutty, trashy, self obsessed and weird ohhhn.


Tiff xxx







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